Recent News Chunklets

Shania Twain Dies in Fiery Tour Bus Crash; Or, Doesn't

BADGER CANYON, AZ - Multiplatinum country music singer Shania Twain's life came to an end Sunday as her tour bus careened off of a bridge, plummeted hundreds of feet to a canyon floor, and exploded in a massive oily fireball. Or, it did not.

Twain, 39, was on the southwest leg of her "Yeah, I'm Canadian, So What?" concert tour in Arizona, when the front right tire of her bus blew out, sending her and five band members over the ridge to their doom. However, it's possible that she was recording her next album in Los Angeles, hundreds of miles from the supposed incident, and that there was no accident whatsoever.

Arizona State Police officials have not confirmed that any music tour bus was anywhere near Badger Canyon on Sunday. The usual group of tourist buses that frequent the area have all been accounted for, according to a spokesperson. Contrarily, there is a good chance that ASP and several fire units did respond to the devastating scene of Twain's demise, which might have tied up traffic for 35 miles in both directions on Hwy 89A, or not.


CNN Headline News Season 8 Available on DVD

ATLANTA, GA - The long-awaited 8th season of CNN's 24-hour Headline News channel was released on DVD Tuesday, setting off a massive buying spree for news buffs worldwide. The comprehensive, 1,460-disc set contains all 8,760 hours of broadcast coverage, including every commercial, promo and replayed story for the entire year.

One of 163 boxes containing Season 8 of CNN HN.

Each set is bundled and shrink-wrapped on a wooden pallet, and is personally signed by CNN founder and AOL Time-Warner vice-chairman Ted Turner and CEO Jonathan Klein. Customers paying the nearly $37,000 price tag (about $25 per disc) receive a bonus DVD of extras, including floor director's commentary and a blooper reel.


Church Reader Board Writer Prays For More E's

EUCHEE, TN - The reader board outside Grace Community Fellowship greets thousands of passersby each day. Steve Greelee, the board's writer, hopes that a few of them will come visit the church come Sunday. However, there can be limitations placed upon his weekly spiritual offerings. It's not church censorship; it's a limited number of letters required to compose his messages, and this week, Greelee is counting upon Divine provision of a few more E's.

Greelee feels particularly called to display the message, "HE NEEDS EARNEST SEEKERS, NOT WEEKEND KNEELERS," but the fourteen E's required are five more than the church possesses. "I thought about calling upon Trinity Baptist to lend us what we need," he comments. "But it wouldn't be fair to deprive them of the fifth letter."

Two years ago, a similar E-heavy sign composition forced then-writer Al Fibetti to substitute the number 3 for an E, displaying it backwards on the sign. Greelee, with a sneer, called the practice "totally amateur-night."

Fibetti could not be reached for comment.