Recent News Chunklets

Madonna Reinvents Image Yet Again

LONDON - Pop superstar Madonna has undergone yet another image change in recent weeks, to coincide with the release of her new album, Crazy For Zoo. The theme of the album is the study and appreciation of zoo animals, one of the icon's latest in a long history of trendy passions.

Madonna's new zoologically-themed persona.

Madonna's image-shifting plans do not end here. In two years, she plans to transform into a 20-foot robot and shoot lasers out of her eyes. In 2010, she will begin the process of spontaneously growing branches and leaves for an unnamed future forestry-related project to coincide with the 40th anniversary of Earth Day.


100% of Respondents Don't Know What a Laker Is

LOS ANGELES - In a survey of 1,324 Angelenos conducted over the course of the 2004-2005 NBA season, fully 100% of respondents admitted that they simply did not know what a "laker" is - despite the popularity of the local team's nickname.

One season-ticket holder said, "I guess it would have to be some guy who lives by a lake, but I don't really see any lakes around L.A., you know?" Many people thought that a "laker" was a type of fresh-water fisherman, but had no actual basis for that analysis.

No plans have been announced to determine what a New York "Knick" is.



Newest Wall Street Journal Subscribers
Disappointed By Lack of Comics Section

SPUNFF, MO - Jim Ramshackle awakens each weekday morning at 4:45 a.m., shuffles out to his front porch, and picks up the newspaper. He brings it into his kitchen, starts a pot of coffee, and sits down in his breakfast nook, ready to start the day. His new copy of The Wall Street Journal before him, he flips through its pages in another fruitless search for his favorite comic strip, Dilbert.

This scene has been replayed countless times over the past few weeks, as the newest crop of WSJ subscribers, like Mr Ramshackle, face the disappointment of having to read the esteemed financial periodical without any sort of comic relief.

Wall Street Journal: No humor to be found.

"They've got those little drawings of people's faces instead of pictures, but those just plain aren't funny," sighs Mr Ramshackle. "I just want to have a bit of a laugh before I have to face my depressing, meaningless office job, you know?"